Come here.
Listen. [and maybe you should
Sit down for what you hear]

I did try to breathe.
One, two, three.
Like a desperate compass. Almost like a melody.

but all I could feel
was time.
Ticking and pumping time
Like dirty blood inside my veins
[that kinda blood you throw in the damp]
Stop.

The twitchy thoughts in my head
were telling me
some kinda recipe
for a muscle strain,
maybe so I wouldn’t collapse, break down,
hit my head on the ground and hide myself in my knees.
Something to fill up
My hollow wound and end my agony.
Stop.
[and it might come to you as a shock, for I will not
Sugarcoat it for you]
And somebody will
Please
Make up whatever makes me
Stop.

I did try to let
my heart beat
Rhythmically right.
And I did try to find
My way to the ticking tacking clock
On the wall aside, drum sticks on the one hand
Holding with my other finger tips
My guts inside my stomach
So they wouldn’t fall out.
Stop.

I don’t want smiles picked up from my pockets
And stamped on my face,
[Just so they would know,
I’m made of the perfect type of grace]
I don’t need the flesh-eating disease
Devouring
All of me.
And I
Certainly
Wish I could be excused from that
Worth-of-pity comedy
That turns my poisoned blood into tears.
[I’m fallen in here]

[So, Welcome all
To my wonderland.
Where the blind is simply blind,
And everything smells the same.]